Looking back...

Was just reading through the first few posts of my blog from July 2005. Can't help but feel how everything has changed since then. It made me question why I still keep a blog, most importantly, this blog. It's lost its initial purpose. I'm not sure why it's still in existence. It shouldn't be. Maybe it won't be for much longer...

I'm constantly plagued by memories of the past. It's ruling my life and I can't seem to shake it off. I'm torturing myself the best I can to feel the pain and suffering that I put another human being through, and maybe one day, they'll be able to forgive me and allow me to forgive myself. I'm sorry to those who have crossed my paths in recent times who have not had the best of me. Soon... I'll bounce back... Hopefully soon...

I long to be free from all this some day... But for now, I feel like a flightless bird, unable to soar through the air to reach the next destination. I'm stuck in this cold, dark place with no where to go for warmth. Every where I go, memories seem to turn something sweet, sour. I'm living from day to day, still waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel...

Heaven Knows

Rick Price

She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up
'Til I close my eyes
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know

Though she's so far away
It just keeps getting stronger
Everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on

So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Chorus:
Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find their way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in kind
I'll know she's mine

But tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Chorus

Why I live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all the times I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so...

Chorus

Heaven knows...
Heaven knows...