Nothing left...
Woke up at 9:00am this morning. Only had 6 hours sleep. Not sure what made me wake up... It seems like i'm getting less and less sleep everyday but I have to keep going. I'm somehow forced to have late nights because my brain just can't shut off. Not sure what woke me up so early this morning. Perhaps it was all the stress and worries. I wish I could turn back time and relive my past to better my future...
Had a different sort of morning though. While thinking of going to Uni to study, I couldn't help but reach out for Sophia's beautiful compilation of messages for my 21st birthday which I just couldn't keep my eyes off. When all else seems down... the opening quote struck me:
Had a different sort of morning though. While thinking of going to Uni to study, I couldn't help but reach out for Sophia's beautiful compilation of messages for my 21st birthday which I just couldn't keep my eyes off. When all else seems down... the opening quote struck me:
A wonderful realization will be the day you realize that you are unique in all the world. There is nothing that is an accident. You are a special combination for a purpose - and don't let people tell you otherwise, even if they tell you that purpose is an illusion... You are that combination so that you can do what is essential for you to do. Don't ever believe that you have nothing to contribute. The world is an incredible unfulfilled tapestry, and only you can fulfill the tiny space that is yours.
- Leo Buscaglia
I have been really moody recently. Just trying to reach out and find answers from wherever the answers may lie for so many questions. Hopefully, I can piece together the puzzle soon and supposedly be the "fun and bubbly Mabel" that Alastair mentioned, having the "most outgoing personality i've known in a girl..." as Ivan so nicely described. Not sure whether that's a good thing though. Hah. However, i'm starting to hate who i've become... I think it'd be easier, more respectable to be a *normal* girl? Those dainty, sweet, lady-like, pretty girls that have such sweet smiles and soft soothing voices. Ahhh... I guess that'll happen when pigs fly...
Aveline wrote something - "Dearest Mabel, I have known you for like 8 years and you haven't changed one bit!" <--- Isn't that bad? Hehe. AH TA PI!! Grr! But Burnside years were the best years of my life! So innocent... so free... so fun... Miss everyone from high school. But so much has happened since then...
Looking back... I've lost the genuine smile that used to shine from deep within. I've lost the innocence that kept my eyes wide open, wondering about life... and mostly, i've lost the determination and self-motivation that led my heart and soul to strive for the best...
Gosh, I seem to have lost it all, huh?
posted by Mabel Tan at
11:38:00 am
4 Comments:
hey, u r an awesome lady. but i guess there are indeed times in life where we feel so lost. and it sure takes a while. but somehow, i think it'll be hard to get back what we've lost, but then again, you will turn out better than the past. that's what i deeply believe in.
i got a txt (in mandarin tho...) from a friend..here it goes :
"Whenever i feel tired, i will remember this :
A butterfly has to vigorously and tiredlessly flaps its wings before it is able to fly freely, and gracefully in the air.
Are you feeling tired now? Remember this butterfly..."
:) cheers! take care and thanks so much for what you guys have done for my bday. it was really warm! :D
By
Anonymous, at Sunday, March 19, 2006 4:07:00 pm
oops..nid to slightly rephrase that fwd text :
"Whenever i feel as if i'm trapped, i will remember this :
Before a butterfly can fly freely and gracefully in the air, it has to flap its wings vigorously and tiredlessly at that moment it comes out from its cocoon (or however u spell it :p)
Are you feeling tired at this moment? Remember the butterfly..."
:p
By
glo teng, at Sunday, March 19, 2006 5:01:00 pm
Hey Gloria! Nice to hear from you... and thanks for the messages. :) Hope you enjoyed your 21st b'day!! Should join us more often at UCSA for lunch. See ya~!
By
Mabel Tan, at Sunday, March 19, 2006 11:04:00 pm
Hi darling.
We all come to crossroads in life. And yes, there are times we look back and wished we could relive the past to change the future. Nevertheless, there is never a guarantee that a change in the past would bring a better future. Joys and sorrows come hand in hand all the time.
Yes, I know how you feel, May. We have both "lost ourselves" along the way. Our ideals, hopes and dreams have changed. Sense of propriety, self-respect, opinions now differ from what they used to be. And yes, a deep regret swells within me when I recall who I used to be. I recall being such a happy person... Then again, maybe we should look at it from a different perspective. Perhaps we are just "searching for ourselves" instead of "losing ourselves". We are embarking on a journey within. But for better or worse, whoever we choose to become, the essence of our individuality will always remain. Whatever it is.
So don't worry too much about a part of you that seems to "slip away". Dry season is followed by rain. Night is followed by dawn. And as long as we have friends to hold us up, we will see sunrise. Eventually.
Till then, take care and hold steadfast.
By
Anonymous, at Thursday, March 23, 2006 12:40:00 pm
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