*SiGh*

At Uni... blogging.

Seems so strange.

Don't know why I came...

Just sent Mum off.

House seemed so quiet without her around.

Sad. Hate being sad.

Lonely. Hate being lonely.

Supposed to be in class now but don't have the heart to go.

Feel like crying but I won't.

Good thing i'm in a public place... *SiGh*

Half eaten McD bagel sitting on the table... No appetite to eat.

Wish I was on the plane now... or maybe, I wish that there weren't such things as airports... then no one could leave...

Nothing left...

Woke up at 9:00am this morning. Only had 6 hours sleep. Not sure what made me wake up... It seems like i'm getting less and less sleep everyday but I have to keep going. I'm somehow forced to have late nights because my brain just can't shut off. Not sure what woke me up so early this morning. Perhaps it was all the stress and worries. I wish I could turn back time and relive my past to better my future...

Had a different sort of morning though. While thinking of going to Uni to study, I couldn't help but reach out for Sophia's beautiful compilation of messages for my 21st birthday which I just couldn't keep my eyes off. When all else seems down... the opening quote struck me:

A wonderful realization will be the day you realize that you are unique in all the world. There is nothing that is an accident. You are a special combination for a purpose - and don't let people tell you otherwise, even if they tell you that purpose is an illusion... You are that combination so that you can do what is essential for you to do. Don't ever believe that you have nothing to contribute. The world is an incredible unfulfilled tapestry, and only you can fulfill the tiny space that is yours.

- Leo Buscaglia

I have been really moody recently. Just trying to reach out and find answers from wherever the answers may lie for so many questions. Hopefully, I can piece together the puzzle soon and supposedly be the "fun and bubbly Mabel" that Alastair mentioned, having the "most outgoing personality i've known in a girl..." as Ivan so nicely described. Not sure whether that's a good thing though. Hah. However, i'm starting to hate who i've become... I think it'd be easier, more respectable to be a *normal* girl? Those dainty, sweet, lady-like, pretty girls that have such sweet smiles and soft soothing voices. Ahhh... I guess that'll happen when pigs fly...

Aveline wrote something - "Dearest Mabel, I have known you for like 8 years and you haven't changed one bit!" <--- Isn't that bad? Hehe. AH TA PI!! Grr! But Burnside years were the best years of my life! So innocent... so free... so fun... Miss everyone from high school. But so much has happened since then...

Looking back... I've lost the genuine smile that used to shine from deep within. I've lost the innocence that kept my eyes wide open, wondering about life... and mostly, i've lost the determination and self-motivation that led my heart and soul to strive for the best...

Gosh, I seem to have lost it all, huh?

Guys... Guys... Guys...*tSk* *tSk*

Some light relief before I head off to bed tonight. Don't know where I got this from... but it's quite true eh? Haha. Guys... No wonder some of you are still single... *aHeM* *aHeM* Someone's turning 21 soon... *aHeM* *aHeM*

The problems with guys

If you treat him nicely, he says you are in love with him;
If you don't, he says you are proud.
If you dress nicely, he says you are trying to lure him;
If you don't, he says you are from the kampung.
If you argue with him, he says you are stubborn;
If you keep quiet, he says you have no brains.
If you are smarter than him, he'll lose face;
If he's smarter than you, he is great.
If you don't love him, he tries to possess you;
If you love him, he will try to leave you.
If you don't make love with him, he says you don't love him;
If you do, he says you are cheap.
If you tell him your problems, he says you are troublesome;
If you don't, he says that you don't trust him.
If you scold him, you are like a nanny to him;
If he scolds you, it is because he cares for you.
If you break your promise, you cannot be trusted;
If he breaks his, he is forced to do so.
If you smoke, you are a bad girl;
If he smokes, he is a gentleman.
If you do well in your exams, he says it's luck;
If he does well, it's brains.
If you hurt him, you are cruel;
If he hurts you, you are too sensitive and so hard to please.
If you send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true...
but if you don't, they'll say you are selfish...

Jerks! :P Hehe. GOOD NIGHT!! ZzzZZzzZZzz...