"You..."

The heart continues to pump... the blood continues to flow... but there's no feeling. Your head seems heavier than your neck can hold... your body is weak... your arms seem to just hang there by the side... lifeless... and your legs... your legs can't carry you any further... the destination seems unreachable.

You seem to be stuck... in whatever position that you've been left in... while the rest of the world continue to live on. You watch them... envious. All you can do... is look up to see the minimal amount of light that seems to shine through the tinest hole. But... there isn't enough light to give you hope.

In a world where it's hard to find a place to be alone... you go through the worse feeling anyone needs to go through... to be in a crowded place, amongst family, friends, acquaintances, strangers and even enemies... and yet feel alone. That you no longer have any feeling in your body. You seem emotion-less. Heartless. No anger. No fear. No love. No hate. No nothing. That, it feels like someone's wrenched your heart out, drained it of all it's blood... and replaced it with its remains.

Indeed, life is cruel... sometimes it's kind... but for you, right now... it seems cruel. All you need is just that glimmer of hope... that somehow, you will manage to find a way to crawl out of the hole, and follow the light to a new beginning. "Only you can help yourself"... "No one in the world can help you unless you let them help you". You need to love yourself enough, to pull yourself out.

Make a decision to help yourself... Make the first step to crawl out of that hole... Make the choice to love yourself enough to save yourself before it's too late... Make the decision to live again...

Malaysian Time...

What is it about us that makes us always late? Is it really our nationality? Hmmm...

Take for example today. Told Arina and Hock to meet at 1:00pm in Crypt for grocery shopping - Bersatu Victory party shopping... not for my own consumption!

This afternoon, got a call from Hock at 1:20pm to ask me where I was... I lied (told a white lie!! no harm in it!!) and said I was on my way (hehe!!), when in actual fact i'd just gotten out of the shower. Oops! When I asked him where he was, he told me he was still at home (!!). Somehow, he guessed that I was still at home as well. Haha! Typical...

Went to pick him up (cuz he said that he didn't have the car)... then went to Crypt to find Arina. When Arina came into the car, she was so relieved cuz she thought she would be the latest to arrive at 1:40pm when she ended up waiting for us until 1:45pm!

Good one people... :P

So our grocery shopping began at 1:45pm... First off, the Halal butchery - bought 13kg of chicken nibbles and 6kg of gravy beef. The lady who served us was really nice eh. Gave us a discounted price. Nice lady... I like nice people... BLEH!! Then, "Asian Food Warehouse" for the spices, blah blah blah... and EGGS!! Our cholesterol gonna sky rocket! After that, "The Mill" for ALCOHOL! OMG. That's a story in itself. Spent what... 30 - 45 minutes in the store... finally decided on what to buy... went to the counter... they asked for ID and *BaNg* Arina didn't have any valid ID on her!! Grrr!! Hehe...

Decided to start heading back home. Dropped in at "Pak 'n Save" where we managed to blow the budget. 6:00pm, couldn't take it anymore, stopped for dinner - sushi by the way. Oh, I bought it like, 5 minutes before they decided to put it at half price. Talk about luck. Argh! Sat down to eat then realised, BADMINTON!! Crap!

Dropped off the stuff at Arina's flat... Sent Hock home... Came home to get the petty cash. Dropped off the drinks at Ronald's house... Went to badminton and decided to stay there... Supper at Burger King... Dropped by at Gerald's house for Malam stuff... Finally, entered my humble abode at 1:15am.

DUH! Now, let me have a little bit of "Prison Break" before I sleep. Hopefully, I can sleep...

By the way, Bersatu photos are up. You can find these under the photo section of my blog. Oh, and for your interest, check out these movie clips:

Just a formality - The opening ceremony of Bersatu Games 2006.



If you're wondering, his name's Azmir! :P



The announcement of the overall winner of the Bersatu Games 2006.



eeEeeeeEEyyYyyeEeeEeaAAaaaaAAAaaaaahHhhhHHHHHhHH!!

Random...

Spent majority of the day at Crypt. I'm wondering... people who always see us there MUST think that we're so hard working, eh? Everyday, all of us are seen at the Crypt - during the day and during the night until 11:00pm when it closes. What they don't realise is that, that's our hang out place! Haha. I think we've pretty much scared everyone else away cuz we're so noisy and when we get told off, we don't care cuz we have the numbers. Hehe! Damn asians... ruining our own name. *fAiNt*!

Anyway, 9:10pm Tzin Wei decides to suggest watching Final Destination 3 at the cinemas. We check the movie times to find that the last session is at 9:30pm. Hmmm... Can we make it? Yes, we can! Make a couple of calls and then, *WhaM*... 11 people turn up for this random outing. Awesome. When the movie ended, 1 1/2 hours later (quite a short movie...) only 10 of us were left... Eh? I mean, I saw someone walking out of the cinema, I just didn't think that it would be one of us... Oops!

The movie contained scary scenes. I kept sliding down my chair and covering my mouth just in case I screamed... while Hock just sat next to me with absolutely no reaction whatsoever. Tzin Wei on the other hand, just kept swearing and laughing every now and then. The most embarrassing part (well, for Anna anyway) was when she screamed! Haha!! Not that loud la... but... funny! Hehe!!

What I learnt from the movie:
If you're meant to die... you're meant to die. No point cheating death cuz it'll just haunt you for the rest of your life... then you'll always be scared of dying and be paranoid about everything so, may as well just die, right? Take life as it comes... What's life when you're scared of death? Also, trust your instincts - be it premunitions or just a feeling... It's better to be safe than not, yea?

It's 1:00am. Having problems with blogger eh. Can't upload the "highlights" from the movie. Crap. Maybe i'll edit tomorrow or make another post. Hehe. Didn't get to sleep until 7:00am last night. Absolutely ridiculous. Might just watch an episode or two of 'Prison Break' before I sleep. Hehe. I'm beginning to love the movie. Downloaded the whole season from the Uni hub within half an hour? Haha! Why do you need internet when you have the hub huh? Unless of course, they choose to ban us from using it.

Ok. Enough blogging for tonight. Got to do grocery shopping tomorrow for the EXCLUSIVE Bersatu Victory Party that's happening on Friday! I would seriously recommend those invited to come along, otherwise, when you hear what the menu was that night you're gonna really regret not joining us! Trust me! :)

You're not the only one...

I still remember the guys popping round to Sophia's house almost around midnight in Dunedin to catch up with me and somehow the conversation led to them asking us girls how and why girls are so difficult to understand and how our actions and words are so hard to interpret - that when we say one thing, we mean another... when we're angry we say we're not... when you ask us if anything's wrong, we say everything's fine... but deep down... boy oh boy are you in trouble!

You know what guys? You're not the only one who thinks that way. Watch "The Break Up". Sounds like a chick movie having a cheesy title but by watching this movie, you'll realise that... you know what? You're not the only one out there who feels the same way! Maybe, you'll see what frustrations the other gender faces through similar actions that you carry out... or maybe, communication may well be the better option, rather than hoping that they'll soon "get it".

I keep wondering... Why have a blog? After all, it's not as if we can freely express ourselves through this medium of communication with the outside world. In a huge way, we are restricted in what we can and can't publish. Not talking about getting sued or whatever... but i mean, sometimes, we can't name the names... we can't truly speak from our hearts... that's just sad. So maybe it would be better to just stick to a private diary... a book... but then, where's the fun in that? Hmmm...

Still in the process of sorting out Bersatu photos. Over 500 photos to sort - be patient! I hope to post them up soon, along with photos from other events. Wait la!! :P

Have a glimpse of the events...

Yang's surprise 21st birthday:



Note: The yardy took him half an hour to finish, but surprisingly he didn't puke in between (only he puked A LOT after) but he was still fine. Must have been all those cigarettes he had while he made us wait.

CMSA BBQ #2:



Unfortunately, no photos from Mark's birthday because he didn't want a celebration - 26 ma... very OLD!! Hehe. As you probably realised, i've given up wishing people "happy birthday" on my blog. Why? Cuz there's just too many birthdays, almost everyday so i'll resort to texting them myself. More personalised... Haven't received photos from Geoffrey's farewell yet and not sure whether I still will. Ronald dropped his external hard drive today and it doesn't seem to be working now. Hope for his sake, it'll somehow work in the morning!

All this photo rubbish... just makes me want to buy a digital camera. I have 1... well, my Mum's one but it's pretty crappy. The battery runs low really quickly and she took the other camera back with her to Malaysia. *cRiEs*! I want a CAMERA, a small one so that I can carry it around everywhere. You never know when there'll be a picture moment. Oh, then I really can stop pestering people for photos. Sorry peeps~! *PaiSeH* *PaiSeH*

Just watched the first episode of "Prison Break" since everyone seemed to recommend it to me. I think i've found my next favourite series. Hehe.

SO FREAKING COLD!!

I wish I didn't get out of bed today. It's SO cold! When will winter be over? The weather just makes me so miserable being all wet with the incredibly chilly wind and the sky's so dull and grey. *sHiVeR*!

This must be one of the coldest winters in ages! AhhHHhhHHHH!! I think it even snowed in Dunedin today? OMG!! I wanna go somewhere warm!! Get me out of here!!

What more can I say? Max: 6 degrees, Min: 2 degrees TONIGHT! Yippee yay!! I can look forward to freezing again tonight... WoOoooO HoOOoOooO. Sense my sarcasm?!

WARM UP DAMMIT!! Grr!!

No Title.

Time seems to go so much slower when we have time to watch it tick by. I don't really know why i'm blogging right now because I don't have much to say. I have a million things on my mind, but no place to really write them. I guess, some things are just too personal to publish.

Have been downloading tv series, movies, etc as my form of entertainment. It's what puts me to sleep these days. Last semester my timetable was jammed pack and I couldn't find the time to do anything. This semester, not so. I only have Malam to look forward to... and even that, I don't know whether i'm going - "Secrets to Remember"... How ironic~

This year seems to be really messy. Yet, it's suppose to be one of my most memorable years, or at least, traditionally it should be. It's been full of troubled waters. I need a life boat to rescue me. I don't think I can stay afloat much longer. My arms are heavy. My legs are tired from kicking. My head is barely above the water. I'm almost drowning... I can feel myself slipping under.........

Bersatu Photos

For those of you who are interested in catching a glimpse at what the Bersatu Closing Dinner was like, the professional photos are up on the mcrobie's website. Unfortunately i'm unable to provide a preview of the photos here cuz I can't even right click on the photographs to save a copy of it even though "proof copy" is written all over the damn photo anyway. So...............

click me!

At the moment i'm still in the process of collecting the photos from those who took their camera down to Bersatu. So be patient and i'll let you all know when the photos are up (on my blog anywayz)!

Enjoy the weekend!

Magic Roundabout

Lecturer showed this to us during class as part of his comical relief. I found it rather fascinating. Check it out...

That's right... It's five mini-roundabouts within one huge roundabout. You're suppose to drive clockwise around the outer roundabouts, and then anti-clockwise around the middle roundabout. Apparently, this has lessen the traffic congestion and minimised road accidents. How unreal is that? To read about it, click here.

My dream right now... To actually drive through one at some point in my life. :) YEAHHHH~!!

Back to reality

Bersatu was awesome. No regrets. Everyday someone always comments about how they miss the atmostphere of Dunedin - whereby you turn a corner and you will somehow see a fellow Malaysian participant along the street, or how we're stuck in Edgar Sports Centre all day, returning to Cumberland Hall only late at night, or how we've lost our voices from all the cheering that supported our fellow team-mates and when our team's not playing, even our rivals. As long as there was noise, we were all happy! If only we could turn the clock back and go through all of it again...

But, it's time to get back to reality... to be bogged down by all the tests and assignments of student life.

Test for COSC 110 yesterday was very basic. 10% test on Microsoft Excel, to be completed in 25 minutes. Erm... right. I did it in 19 minutes but the marker refused to mark me cuz I would be taking a risk and that I should use the remaining few minutes to double check my work. What rubbish! So, instead of coming over to mark my work, he decided to be an ass and make me sit there for the remaining 6 minutes for me to "check my work" which I didn't. Turns out... 29/29. Stupid! Wasting my time. Bleh! That's for taking a stupid course like COSC 110! If you want easy points, I recommend that course!

But now... instead of relaxing, etc... I have to study for a massive 45% test later tonight for AFIS 301 on accounting theory. Why the hell do I need to know about accounting theory? I have never, ever contemplated deriving some stupid theory for accountants to abide by. Nor do I wish to learn about how they go about deriving the damn theories. How on earth will I use this type of bullshit knowledge in my working life? Grrr! It only causes troubles when smart asses decide to try to prove this and that theory wrong... blah blah blah! Argh!

What more... I don't even know what the format of the test is going to be like cuz they've been changing it every year. The contents have changed as well (I hope that's the reason i'm not recognising some of the stuff, otherwise i'll be screwed). Usually it's a good idea to look over the past year papers but this time, it's just so confusing and makes me all panicky... blehhh!! Not that I can really blame the lecturers since the adoption of IFRSs were made this year, to be compulsory by 2007 when previous papers were questioning the move, etc.

4:47pm. Time for me to continue studying... Grrr~! Can't wait until 9:00pm when the test is over... then... study for CHIN 101. Study? Yeah right... MuaHaHaHaHa~!!. As of tomorrow, 5:00pm... i'm declaring a break for myself! Just 24 hours to go... Tick Tock Tick Tock.

Home Sweet Home...

It's good to be back home. Having only had on average of 5 hours sleep per night for the past 5 days, I can't wait to crawl underneath my covers and SLEEP peacefully without having to wake up so early in the morning... play sport... and then sleep really late.

Bersatu is honestly, an awesome experience and I was extremely proud to be apart of the united, CMSA team that ended up winning overall at the Bersatu Games 2006 held in Dunedin. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! It is not only the victory that is sweet, but it's the closeness of our team that made us stand out amongst the other contingents. GoOoooooOOOoooOOoooOOOooO C-M-S-A~!!!

Of course, Bersatu would not have been a success had there not been a really great organisation committee for Team Otago (OMSA & Persada) who did a great job overall despite the many complications that they faced during the event! Big shout out also to our liason officers but most importantly, my dearest friends, Lewis Lam & Sophia Ling for the kind hospitality that they showed us!! :) Love you both dearly!

Now, with Bersatu all over and done with... it's time to hit the books and study for the 45% test that I have on Tuesday!! OMG!! Wish me luck!

Setting Off...

It's 10:15am! Everything's in the car and i'm ready to go. Will blog again on Saturday when I return, or maybe while i'm down in Dunedin. Hopefully, there'll be a lot of photos to show how fun it was! Hah!

Anyway, leave you with this from Grey's Anatomy...

Boundaries don't keep other people out
They fence you in
Life is messy
That's how we're made
So, you can waste your life drawing lines
Or, you can live your life crossing them